All bad things

Things must be back to normal—I'm putting heavy cream in my coffee again.

Last summer I was diagnosed with thyroid disease and had to change my wicked ways. Thyroid issues deeply affect the way the body processes, well, everything. Its function in the body is primarily hormonal and metabolic, and problems in the thyroid can make the entire physical system completely break down on a number of levels. I was exhausted and miserable for many months there, and while I will spare you list of symptoms I experienced for a few months before my doctor figured it out and got me on the right medication, it was my crazy cholesterol count that really shocked me.

Here is how I changed: I started putting nonfat milk in my coffee instead of my beloved half and half. When I work in midtown I buy oatmeal (made with water) for breakfast instead of the amazing tomato-ham croissants I used to get from Pret a Manger. I only ate at the Shake Shack once in the latter half of 2009 (the travesty!). I bought less bacon, baked fewer cakes, tried to skip dessert and started taking pilates classes. Who am I?

Food and eating is such a defining aspect of my identity and personality that this forced change in my diet has been very challenging. My instinct is to lop off tablespoons of butter for my cooking at home and order the most outrageous dishes on the menu: foie gras, bone marrow, pig parts and deep fried things always.

My palate does not agree with these dietary shifts. My cravings are all salty-fatty-fried (not sweet and chocolate, like the girly clichés of a Cathy cartoon). Sometimes all I want is a salad or some steamed vegetables, but then the salad I get is the one with fried shallots, poached egg and lardons, and I have to remind myself that just because I ordered the eggs Florentine and not the Benedict, the spinach smothered in Hollandaise is not much healthier than the ham.

But wait—it gets more complicated! Though I am on big-pharma pills on a daily basis to regulate my thyroid function, there are a lot of people out there who believe that thyroid issues are resolvable through diet alone. And the worst news there is that many of the so-called healthy foods I love are forbidden, primarily cruciferous vegetables like cauliflower, kale and brussels sprouts. How terribly disappointing. I guess the kale chips I love aren't as good for me as I thought.

But overall, I'm improving. I've lost a bit of weight, my doctor is pleased with my current state of health (well, okay, after my last check up last week he mentioned that I still should watch the high-cholesterol foods), and I feel like I can allow myself the occasional treat. Like today, where I put a splash of heavy cream in my coffee (left over from a Valentine's dinner where I made one of my favorite dishes, Gratin Dauphinois), and will probably eat the amazing grapefruit cake (thanks Thomas Keller, what a recipe!) I made yesterday for breakfast. And lunch. (Hey, it was even dinner last night.)

In celebration of my relative good health (and with a nod to service journalism and this post actually having a point), here are a few recipes. All bad! One involves pouring an entire container of heavy cream over a pan of potatoes. The other involves pouring an entire stick of butter over a fruit crisp. And the third is very very good for you (except if you're me). Enjoy.

Gratin Dauphinois
Preheat oven to 350.
Thinly slice 4 russet or Yukon gold potatoes (this is where a mandoline is your best friend—a utensil that changed my life! You want the slices so thin you can almost see through them.)
Layer potatoes in a medium baking dish. In between each layer, dot with butter, add a little bit of crushed garlic and a few gratings of fresh nutmeg, plus salt and pepper. When you've used up all the potatoes, pour a half-pint of heavy cream over the top of the entire dish.
Bake for at least 90 minutes.
This dish is so ridiculously good that it really only serves 2 or 3. Double it up if you've got more than 3 at the table.

Kale Chips
Preheat oven to 250.
Wash one bunch of kale and pat dry.
Cut leaves crosswise into thirds. Toss with a very small amount of olive oil, a few tablespoons of soy sauce and salt & pepper to taste.
Array kale leaves in one layer on baking sheet.
Bake for at least 30 mins, stirring leaves around once or twice.
When all the water has cooked away and leaves are crispy, remove from oven and serve.

Fruit Crisp
1 c flour
1 c sugar
1 t baking powder
1/2 t salt
1 egg, beaten
5-6 cups fruit
1/2 cup sugar
2 T flour
1 stick butter, melted
Preheat oven to 375.
Mix together the first 4 dry ingredients, set aside.
Slice fruit (berries, apples, pears, any kind of stone fruit all work well. Anything really, it's super versatile) and mix fruit with 1/2 c sugar and 2 tablespoons flour (cornstarch works here too).
Pile fruit into baking dish.
For the topping, take dry ingredients, and slowly add the beaten egg. Mix until combined, so that it is crumby and sandy. If too dry, add a little bit more egg.
Sprinkle topping all over fruit to evenly cover. Pour the melted butter all over the top of the dish. Bake for 45 minutes or until browned.